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Things Never Heard in Theatre
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The Technical Rehearsal.

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It looks as though there'll be time for a third dress rehearsal.

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Take your time getting back.

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We've been ready for hours.

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There's plenty of room for more instruments over here.

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The headsets are working perfectly.

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The cue lights are working perfectly. 

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The orchestra has no complaints. 

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The whole company is standing by whenever you want them. 

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That didn't last long. 

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That went SO well! 

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We've finished early so why don't the crew get off home? 

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We've finished early. 

The Actor.

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Don't. Let's not talk about me.

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I've got a bit of free time; do you want a hand to unload the set? 

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I really think my big scene should be cut. 

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This costume is SO comfortable! 

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I love my shoes. 

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No problem, I can do that for myself. 

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No problem. 

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I have a fantastic agent, here, I'll give you his number; mention me. 

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I have a fantastic agent. 

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Let me stand right upstage with my back to the audience. 

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No, leave the light where it is, I'll walk into it. 

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Shall I take these cups back? 

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No, honestly, it's my round. 

The Stage Crew

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Not at all, that instrument isn't in the way. 

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We'll get in early and do it tomorrow. 

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No, no, I'm sure that's our job. 

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Anything I can do to help? 

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All the tools are carefully locked away. 

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Can we do that scene change again, please? 

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It's a marvellous show! 

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I don't need this many on the crew. 

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You're all far too busy; I'll get it onstage on my own. 

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That was easy. 

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I'll do it straight after I mop the stage. 

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Another props table? Certainly. 

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No, honestly, it's my round. 

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Thanks, but I don't drink. 

The Sound/Electrics Crew

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I must fix the light in the publicity office. 

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This equipment is far more complicated than we need. 

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Of course I can operate sound from here. 

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Be sure to keep that instrument away from the flying pieces. 

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Move all the lights on the FOH bar a foot to the right? No problem. 

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No problem. 

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I'll do that right away. 

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All the equipment is working perfectly. 

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That had nothing to do with the computer, it was my fault. 

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I have all the equipment I need, thanks. 

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No, honestly, it's my round. 

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Thanks, but I don't drink. 

The Director

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That's fine, I've got my own torch. 

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Leave it where it is, we'll re-block it. 

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We'll bring the crew onstage just before the author. 

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We'll bring the crew onstage. 

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This chair's fine, thank you. 

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Thank You. 

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We'll use it as it is. 

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Let the crew have that day. 

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That's perfect! 

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My round, are all the crew here? 

The Choreographer

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This floor's fine. 

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Plenty warm enough, thank you. 

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The lights are spot on, thank you. 

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Thank you.

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Leave it as it is; we'll fit in somehow. 

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One dressing room's fine. 

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The costumes are perfect. 

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The boom positions are fine. 

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The wing space is ample, really.