A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied,
"When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of
vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignors advice. At the beginning of the
sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the
door:
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Sip the Vodka, don't gulp. |
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There are 10 commandments, not 12. |
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There are 12 disciples, not 10. |
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Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. |
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Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. |
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We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. |
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David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him. |
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When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey,
don't say he was stoned off his ass. |
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We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T" |
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When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said,
"Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me." |
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The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry." |
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The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub
thanks for the grub, yeah God. |
